It's My Birthday!!!

My Birthday is coming up this week.  "What do you want for your birthday mom?"  That is the question I will get the day before.  The only problem is I don't really know.  When you get to be my age presents don't mean as much as they used to.  I have a friend who told me her daughter was going to give her memories for her birthday.  What a great idea.  I want memories for my birthday.  I'm not talking about a photo album, which would be cool too.  I'm talking about going out and doing something fun, or crazy, or out of the ordinary.  That sounds like fun.  

I'm trying to bring my life back into some kind of balance.  Part of that is learning to have fun again. As adults, sometimes I think we forget how to have fun.  If you have been following me for very long you will know that I was raised in a home with a mother who was the queen of guilt and a father who was the king of responsibility.  Yeah, how much fun was my childhood.  Actually it wasn't all bad, but wanting to please my parents, especially my father, has led me to be driven by responsibility.  So I have been seeking out ways to have fun.

Making memories doesn't mean spending a lot of money.  You'd think at this time in my life I wouldn't need to be so tight, but unfortunately I do.  So I'm going to look for ways to make my birthday fun, memorable, and inexpensive this year.  One thing I know I'm going to look forward to this week is cycling in the Little Red, a bike ride for cancer awareness.  This year I'm going to be crazy and go for the full 100 miles.  And yes, the answer is, I am crazy.  9 hours in my own head!!  Augh!  As a result next weeks blog will probably be late in coming.  Riding that long really zaps my energy.  But it will be fun!!!!

Until next time.
 

Living Your Life Out Of Balance

Life for me has been pretty hectic lately.  It seems I'm always torn in twenty different directions.  I have noticed, that for me, this is overwhelming.  Many people live for a life like that.  I am not one of those.  I feel like I'm constantly putting out fires.  Yuck, not a pleasant thing at all.

Then I sit back  and wonder how much of this is my fault.  A lot most likely.  When I first got married a hundred years ago.  I didn't have hobbies.  I just worked and took care of my home and husband.  I was one of those women I shake my head at now and think, no don't do that.  Let him help you, don't lose sight of your self.  That's just what I did.  Everything was for home and family nothing I did was for me.  A friend set me straight in the old days.  My husband was going to school full time, I was supporting us.  I was busy working 40 hours a week and then coming home and being the dutiful house wife.  Stupid, stupid, stupid.  Why oh why did I not ask him to help.  Oh yeah I forgot I married Ward Cleaver. For those of you who don't know who that is, think 1950's family dynamic. Except I was working full time.  Anyway, I was busy taking care of everything except me and my friend took me aside and said while he's away doing school stuff get a hobby.  I learned to cross stitch.  Something I still enjoy doing while watching TV.  Then over the years I picked up other hobbies.

Now here I am with older children who don't need me as much, two jobs (part time) still working 40 hours a week while trying to fit in a list of hobbies a mile long, take care of my husband, my house, trying to help my daughter heal her broken heart, help my son navigate his way thorough high school, dating, working, and life.  I have to say my son is very good to his mom.  He treats me like a queen and loves me no matter what.

So here I am after 30 years of marriage still trying to find my balance.
I wish I knew the answer.  All I know is if I give up my hobbies, I'll go crazy.  I'm trying to find peace in an ever hectic world.  I'm afraid if I slow down I'll get run over.  So where can I turn for peace.  I can only think of one place.  I'll find peace in my faith.  Turning to the Lord for help is my only option.  I keep telling my children that.  Just breathe and pray, life will get easier.

Until next time

It's A Mom Thing!

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!!!  To all those who are an influence for good in the lives of children everywhere mothers day is for you!  I used to detest Mother's Day.  You see I couldn't have children for the first thirteen years of my marriage.  So after the first ten years we adopted our oldest child. For the first few years of being childless I was okay.  I wanted children but I was willing to wait.  After the ups and downs of the roller coaster ride of infertility I was so done with Mother's Day.  People would say well meaning but stupid things trying to comfort me.  I just stopped going to church, or talking to anyone on that day.  It was just too hard.  After welcoming our daughter into our home it was easier, then after welcoming our son into our home I thought this Mother's Day stuff was pretty good.  Then being a mom became a little more difficult the teenage years hit. I'd go to church and listen to children and husbands say how wonderful their moms and wives were.  Then the day became hard again.

In true mom fashion guilt became my friend, I wasn't like other mom's.  I didn't do all the right things. Then I told myself to just stop!  Stop thinking so negatively.  Start thinking of all good I could do.  I could be an influence for good in my own way.  Life would be as good as I made it.

Now I love to celebrate Mother's Day, but on my terms.  I decided I don't need a lot of things, I just need my little family around me, like Saturday this weekend we went to a movie together. Sunday we will go to church as a family, have dinner as a family, visit my mother as a family, and then having a family game night.

Every mom is different so every mom will want something unique to her.  So if you're a mom, celebrate the way that makes you happy.  If you're helping a mom to celebrate, do what she wants.

One last thought.  I was childless for long enough to know that being a mom isn't just biological, it's being an influence for good in someone's life,  Showing a maternal kind of love to nieces, nephews, children of friends, younger brothers and sisters.  In short anyone who needs a little maternal love, needs you. So Happy Mother's Day to one and all.

Until next week.

Love Is In the Air

Love is everywhere.  It's on the radio, it's on every television show, it's all over the internet. At least what people want us to think is love.  I read romance novels, clean romance novels.  I sell them at the book store I work at.  I even write romance novels.  So what is it about love?  It can make us soar to the skies if its true and makes us happy, but it also has the power to bring to our lowest low.

When we first fall in love life is blissful, we are walking on cloud nine.  I'm sure it has something to do with endorphin's.  We know nothing can keep us from eternal happiness.  If that love is given a chance to blossom and grow we find ourselves in a different kind of deeper more satisfying kind of love.  Its more grounded and we are able to cope with life's ups and downs.  The long we are together the stronger our love can become.  We can face the trials of love because of the bond we share.  I happen to believe if a man and woman are in love marriage is the next step.  There are those who disagree with me on the whole marriage thing.  There are people who disagree with me on the man and woman thing.  Everyone is entitled to their own opinion.  That is not what this weeks blog is about.

In my current writing project I'm dealing with love the second time around.  If you have read any of my books, first of all thank you.  If you have not here's a little background.  My novels are written about a family who has lost their mother from a car accident.  How they grow up live their lives and try to mend their hearts after the loss of the center of their family.  Oh and there is always a bit of murder on the side.  I have written the first three stories about the children in this family.  Dad's story is more difficult to write.  He and his wife were soul mates and are actually inspired my one of my best friends and her husband.  She died of cancer a few years ago and husband was left to pick up the pieces of his family's life.  They had two children who were teenagers at the time.

The difficulty in writing this book is I am still married to the man I fell in love with thirty years ago and trying to find out how to write this character is proving a little difficult.  I think it makes for a more interesting and full character, but it is harder to get my mind around his feelings.

With all the counterfeit love, and lust and just plain sex out there it's hard to find the real thing.  I hope we can all tap into find the real lasting eternal kind of love.

Until next week