Over My Head and Out of My Mind

Have you ever felt like your looking at a tsunami and all you have to help you is one of those styrofoam life preservers.  Well that's my life right now.  Everyday it's something else.  Just when you think it can't get any worse, it does.  You take two steps forward and then five steps back.  It overtakes your whole life. But it's okay life is just like that sometimes.  

So how do you dig yourself out of a big mess.  You sit down an look at it logically.  You talk to the experts in the field to see if they can help, then you get on your knees and pray.

It really isn't important what trials I am currently experiencing.  It doesn't matter what the outcome of my predicament.  What matters is how I get myself through it.  Hiding from the problem isn't the answer.  Even though at times it's the only way to stay sane.

I want to get on with my book, I want to get on with my summer projects, I want to be able to feel good about life.  So somehow I need to find my way through.

Wish me luck

Until next time.

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!!!!!

It's time to celebrate all the wonderful father's in our lives.  Men can be such a great influence in the lives of the people they love.  My dad was my rock.  My soft place to land.  He wasn't perfect but he was the perfect father for me.  He loved and supported me, he helped me understand responsibility and he guided me on my journey to discover righteousness and love.

Growing up on a farm we didn't do a lot of vacationing.  Okay let's get real, my family went on one family vacation during my whole life.  When you have live stock it's not like you can have a neighbor come over and feed the cows, chickens, pigs, turkeys, geese, etc.  So we stayed pretty close to home. I lived at the foot of the Rocky Mountains, so we spent weekend afternoon's up the canyon having picnics, and roasting marshmallows.  We had lots of chores at home but when Dad was home he was always out there with us.

He was a strict father but he never laid a hand on me.  His discipline was more like, "Shar, I expected more of you than this."  He made sure we always fulfilled our responsibilities.  My father worked for the government for many years, so he wasn't at home to work the fields and pick the fruit.  He left that for us.  He led by example, I don't think I ever saw him take a sick day.  He was a very hard worker who always provided for his family.

After I grew up and my dad retired he spent more time at home and he became one of my best friends.  He helped me shape my life and helped make me the woman I am today.   The Lord was always important to my father and he raised me to make righteous choices, and stay close to God.

My father passed away almost eight years ago.  I will always love my dad and I miss him everyday.

To all those wonderful men in our lives Happy Father's Day!
Until next time.  

Tough Week

This has been a tough week.  I had such lovely plans for the summer.  I wanted to finish writing my latest novel, spend some time in my garden, add some landscaping to my yard, and so many more things.  This first week of summer vacation from school, I'm a librarian at my local elementary school, was supposed to be a great kick off.  Unfortunately it hasn't been great, in fact its been just the opposite.  I won't go into why, just know it's far from what I expected.

I'm not normally a half glass empty kind of gal, but this week has kicked my butt.  I suppose everyone has those times in their lives when everything seems to go against them.  This has been building for awhile now and it's just come to a head.  I'm hoping for better things but not expecting the best.


Until next time.

Getting Back To Nature

Whew!!!!  I rode my bicycle 70 miles yesterday.  I am not a spring chicken anymore, but I gave it my best shot!!!!  I wanted to go for a full 100 but decided at 58 miles I was done.  I think its important to set goals and try like heck to achieve them.  I also think its important to know your limitations.  One of the most important things I noticed yesterday was that nature is a marvel and a wonder.

This ride was in a town that I have been through before.  To get there I have to go through a canyon, one I have traveled many times.  There are man made structures that once were businesses that have fallen into rubble.  Some new houses have go in, many things in that canyon have changed, but the cool thing about nature is, it's always there.

I love being on my bike riding outside much more than riding in the gym.  It just makes me feel alive. Yesterday after my ride I was very tired, I was physically exhausted.  But I enjoyed the ride despite my exhaustion.

There are many things that build us up, make us feel, bring us joy.  Our job is to find that one thing that will elevate our souls.

Until next time.
 

It's My Birthday!!!

My Birthday is coming up this week.  "What do you want for your birthday mom?"  That is the question I will get the day before.  The only problem is I don't really know.  When you get to be my age presents don't mean as much as they used to.  I have a friend who told me her daughter was going to give her memories for her birthday.  What a great idea.  I want memories for my birthday.  I'm not talking about a photo album, which would be cool too.  I'm talking about going out and doing something fun, or crazy, or out of the ordinary.  That sounds like fun.  

I'm trying to bring my life back into some kind of balance.  Part of that is learning to have fun again. As adults, sometimes I think we forget how to have fun.  If you have been following me for very long you will know that I was raised in a home with a mother who was the queen of guilt and a father who was the king of responsibility.  Yeah, how much fun was my childhood.  Actually it wasn't all bad, but wanting to please my parents, especially my father, has led me to be driven by responsibility.  So I have been seeking out ways to have fun.

Making memories doesn't mean spending a lot of money.  You'd think at this time in my life I wouldn't need to be so tight, but unfortunately I do.  So I'm going to look for ways to make my birthday fun, memorable, and inexpensive this year.  One thing I know I'm going to look forward to this week is cycling in the Little Red, a bike ride for cancer awareness.  This year I'm going to be crazy and go for the full 100 miles.  And yes, the answer is, I am crazy.  9 hours in my own head!!  Augh!  As a result next weeks blog will probably be late in coming.  Riding that long really zaps my energy.  But it will be fun!!!!

Until next time.
 

Living Your Life Out Of Balance

Life for me has been pretty hectic lately.  It seems I'm always torn in twenty different directions.  I have noticed, that for me, this is overwhelming.  Many people live for a life like that.  I am not one of those.  I feel like I'm constantly putting out fires.  Yuck, not a pleasant thing at all.

Then I sit back  and wonder how much of this is my fault.  A lot most likely.  When I first got married a hundred years ago.  I didn't have hobbies.  I just worked and took care of my home and husband.  I was one of those women I shake my head at now and think, no don't do that.  Let him help you, don't lose sight of your self.  That's just what I did.  Everything was for home and family nothing I did was for me.  A friend set me straight in the old days.  My husband was going to school full time, I was supporting us.  I was busy working 40 hours a week and then coming home and being the dutiful house wife.  Stupid, stupid, stupid.  Why oh why did I not ask him to help.  Oh yeah I forgot I married Ward Cleaver. For those of you who don't know who that is, think 1950's family dynamic. Except I was working full time.  Anyway, I was busy taking care of everything except me and my friend took me aside and said while he's away doing school stuff get a hobby.  I learned to cross stitch.  Something I still enjoy doing while watching TV.  Then over the years I picked up other hobbies.

Now here I am with older children who don't need me as much, two jobs (part time) still working 40 hours a week while trying to fit in a list of hobbies a mile long, take care of my husband, my house, trying to help my daughter heal her broken heart, help my son navigate his way thorough high school, dating, working, and life.  I have to say my son is very good to his mom.  He treats me like a queen and loves me no matter what.

So here I am after 30 years of marriage still trying to find my balance.
I wish I knew the answer.  All I know is if I give up my hobbies, I'll go crazy.  I'm trying to find peace in an ever hectic world.  I'm afraid if I slow down I'll get run over.  So where can I turn for peace.  I can only think of one place.  I'll find peace in my faith.  Turning to the Lord for help is my only option.  I keep telling my children that.  Just breathe and pray, life will get easier.

Until next time

It's A Mom Thing!

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!!!  To all those who are an influence for good in the lives of children everywhere mothers day is for you!  I used to detest Mother's Day.  You see I couldn't have children for the first thirteen years of my marriage.  So after the first ten years we adopted our oldest child. For the first few years of being childless I was okay.  I wanted children but I was willing to wait.  After the ups and downs of the roller coaster ride of infertility I was so done with Mother's Day.  People would say well meaning but stupid things trying to comfort me.  I just stopped going to church, or talking to anyone on that day.  It was just too hard.  After welcoming our daughter into our home it was easier, then after welcoming our son into our home I thought this Mother's Day stuff was pretty good.  Then being a mom became a little more difficult the teenage years hit. I'd go to church and listen to children and husbands say how wonderful their moms and wives were.  Then the day became hard again.

In true mom fashion guilt became my friend, I wasn't like other mom's.  I didn't do all the right things. Then I told myself to just stop!  Stop thinking so negatively.  Start thinking of all good I could do.  I could be an influence for good in my own way.  Life would be as good as I made it.

Now I love to celebrate Mother's Day, but on my terms.  I decided I don't need a lot of things, I just need my little family around me, like Saturday this weekend we went to a movie together. Sunday we will go to church as a family, have dinner as a family, visit my mother as a family, and then having a family game night.

Every mom is different so every mom will want something unique to her.  So if you're a mom, celebrate the way that makes you happy.  If you're helping a mom to celebrate, do what she wants.

One last thought.  I was childless for long enough to know that being a mom isn't just biological, it's being an influence for good in someone's life,  Showing a maternal kind of love to nieces, nephews, children of friends, younger brothers and sisters.  In short anyone who needs a little maternal love, needs you. So Happy Mother's Day to one and all.

Until next week.